Oh dear, I am about to vocalize a real concern. My hope is that as soon as I express this fear I will realize how ridiculous it is: I am afraid that in order to become a good nurse, I have to transform into a humorless super hero that needs no food, no sleep, no friends, and of course – no other interests besides nursing. I hear about 12 hours shifts with no food, and lonely night shifts with cranky doctors, and I begin to fear the worst for my future. Sometimes when I make a joke in clinicals I get a sad nostalgic feeling that my time for joking is drawing to a close. Of course I want to be professional and competent nurse – but I also would like to retain my personality. I rather like my personality, and I am worried about exchanging it in for a pair of baby blue scrubs.
And yes, as I vocalize this I realize that it is exaggerated and childish, but somewhere underneath my jokes is real concern. I do not possess an incredibly “scientific mind.” I can learn science and it does interest me, but I also love to read and write – and when will I have the time for that? How will I have the time or motivation to go on runs or invest in friendships? Am I destined to become a tired, heavy, lonely nurse? How will I be able to give to my patients if my well is dry? My only hope is that real life is not as dramatic as I imagine it. Or, that the Lord will to provide me with the resilience and energy to do my job with passion.
And not to mention my fear of making mistakes… somehow nurses have to go around on empty stomachs making decisions , passing meds and performing tasks without making mistakes. The real, primary fear that I have about nursing is making mistakes. I know it might happen – but how serious will it be? Will I catch it? What will happen? Am I intelligent and detailed enough to avoid mistakes? Prior experience says “no,” which leads me to believe that I still have to undergo a great deal of change before I will be a good nurse.
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ReplyDeleteOh my, I hope it wasn't me that gave you the idea of nurses being "lonely, tired and heavy!" ;) Emily is right, being a nurse just gives you another avenue with which to live your personality! Of cousre it can be stressful and difficult, but such is life sometimes. Your personality and your desire to serve are an asset to the field of nursing.
ReplyDeleteYou might have to wear a yucky white polo shirt, but you can secretly giggle at the polka-dot undies. (Thanks to the navy pants you can now wear!)
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ReplyDeleteI relate to most of what you've said in this, Chanda. Becoming nurses should only ENHANCE our personalities. And we should continue to remain aware, and determine not to become "lonely, tired and heavy". :) Excellent writing. This is a gift you shouldn't abandon even amidst all of the busy work that goes along with nursing school